Not the Same River, Not the Same Woman

Setting goals that you’ve already set before can feel self-defeating.

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“No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man.”

-Heraclitus

Setting goals that you’ve already set before can feel self-defeating. It’s like that feeling of a broken record playing in your mind. You tell yourself similar things while your cynical side fueled by fear just sort of folds her arms and humors your attempt to try again.

But this time will be different. This time is for real. This time I am serious, and so on. So the game keeps being played in our heads and we let the fear and the self-doubt win because that is the easier thing to do. But the important thing, the big thing, the enormous thing is that it’s not the same and you’re not the same this time. It feels similar, but it can’t be the same, because so much has happened since the last time that has changed you, for better or worse.

It doesn’t matter what the goal is whether it’s to give up a bad habit, lose weight, get a better job, save more money, be a better parent or whatever it may be right now. The dragon is just a myth and when you get to the battle this time will be different because you’ve learned its tricks, you know its weaknesses and yours. You now carry a sword and armor and the courage to tame the beast and send it on its way.

I wonder why I fear change and why trying again feels so hard. Then, I remember the ultimate truth for me and that is that not trying is the worst possible choice. I won’t give up even if I feel like Sisyphus, condemned to roll the boulder up the hill only to watch it roll back down again. I am going to get that boulder over the top this time and see what is on the other side.

I am not the same woman who stepped into this river and I intend to prove that this time because this time is different.

Author: nicholed77

Technical writer, photographer, mom

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